Written Among The Stars

So normally I would post this on Friday as part of WTF Friday but honestly I just couldn't not share immediately.

All of you have heard tales of my irritating coworker who insists that blinding me with sun is okay because he needs vitamin d...that situation is resolved btw. I told him that if he opened the shade directly in front of my desk again i would chop his hands off. But anywa!  We were talking today at work and boy oh boy, where do I begin.

1. I went to get breakfast in the cafe downstairs today. I was feeling lazy and didn't wake up on time. I got a few snacks while I was down there because I'm going to be at work 10 hours today. I get back upstairs to a loudly proclaimed "Don't they sell any healthy snacks down there!" Now listen here asshat, shut the fuck up. I have to listen to your rants about your hour and half a day at the gym and hatred of food in general and I am not taking shit from you! Yes, I'm overweight, I acknowledge it! But fuck if I'm gett carrots and celery on a day when I'm working 10 hours! Mind your business.

2. Then we start talking about him and his "wealth." First off, if you are so wealthy, what the hell are you doing this crappy job for? And then he claims that at least he's not pretentious about it as he extols the virtues of the pen he bought for $500.00. It has platinum in it, it scratches the paper less. Oh yeah, not pretentious or arrogant at all.

3. Now for the kicker. Someone else and I were talking about taxes. He jumps in with "Yeah, I hate taxes. If I were to ever get audited, I'm pretty sure I'd be in prison for a long time."  Who the hell says things like this in the workplace?

4. But I'm not done yet. At lunch on Friday he started telling me a story about how when he was 7 years old, his mom found him in the backyard beating another kid with a 2x4. 0_o

5. And last but certainly not least, he insists on taking his manpurse (yes he calls it that) with him whenever he leaves his desk. I suggested that he has a key to the drawers by his desk for a reason, you know lock it up (I do that with my wallet and keys). His response, "I don't need some junkie rooting through my stuff."  Oh yeah, there's an awful lot of junkies working at the bank with their background checks, fingerprinting, and random drug tests.

This guy he just....the stupid it burns the flesh.